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It is far too terrifying to be alone in that water when she does not know how to handle it.Now fast forward a year or so and Sara has learned to hold her breath and kick her feet; she’s put on her floaties and is splashing merrily in the deep end.Now you can understand why someone may want to rush back, as it were, into the perceived safety of a new relationship.They loved being married, being a family, or having sexual intimacy.He made you for himself, and he is the ONLY one who can fully satisfy your heart, even if you don’t feel like it or believe it.Have you made a false idol out of marriage or relationship?
If so, it may have become the most important thing in your life and has thus replaced God himself.
Whether you’ve wrongly worshiped relationships, or have rejected them altogether, the alone-time after a divorce can be a HUGE blessing. It should help us unclasp the firm grip we had on all that we lost, and move us gently and slowly out into the “deep” of knowing God, ourselves, and his true purpose for our lives. You may have learned it “by heart” as a child: first to come to KNOW God, and then to LOVE him.
Everything else should flow from that intimate love so that when we SERVE him it will be by seeing and loving others rightly, not using them.
This is usually due to not taking the time and making the effort to do what is necessary for full and lasting recovery. Most people who meet at the coffee shop have at least some hopes and desires for love and their hearts can easily be broken, despite “casual” exteriors.
When you rush back in the pool with floaties you’ll never be able to really “swim”—and when the waters get too rough, you risk drowning again. Even if YOU are "fine" with it, you never really know what is in the heart of the other. Many are guarded and taking their time, and rightly so, but many can prefer the safe and endless “dating” to a move toward marriage.
(The annulment process helps you process these things, by the way.) Is that fair to the other person ... Healthy relationships only spring from two people who are free to remain single and still be content, but who choose each other out of authentic love, not loneliness. Relationship red flags are meant to protect you and when you ignore, rationalize, or minimize them, you almost invite another divorce upon yourself and your children—and the new person and his/her family.