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Posted by / 05-Feb-2020 13:57

After a successful string of early dates, we established a pattern where he would meet me in my local park, we’d sip coffee and talk about all the dogs that walked by. I was too afraid his response to my text asking, “How’s London? Those same extended periods of silence and I later found out David was holding on but thought he had done something to upset me. Without any kind of clarification, without the talk, it never went anywhere. In the end David moved away, to London, forcing what we almost had to come to a rapid conclusion.

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A deep rumbling fear that David would reject me got in my way every time. I tried so hard one time, in an attempt to will myself to say anything remotely appropriate, I took a deep breath in and opened my mouth wide hoping the right words would just fall out. Instead I walked home alone, no talk, convinced I was hurtling towards early dating doom no matter what. I followed the dating advice frequently given to women instructing you to never text the guy first. With the same stubbornness of never having the talk, I rarely messaged David first either. Here again was my fear of rejection but in a different context. I’d cry in the shower at night thinking I’d fucked up this phase of dating again and David was gone for good. It never moved beyond watching the dogs in the park.

We had assembled the tiny beginnings a relationship in the form of a rocketship that needed to be launched. No amount of rehearsing or practice seemed to work. While you’re trying to decide if you even like him and if this might be any kind of fit for you. By never reaching out, all I was doing was being mean and confusing us both. I told myself a lack of messages meant David wasn’t interested anymore.

I can't believe I ordered three glasses of champagne at per glass! However, they're not exactly pacing themselves either, are they now? I simply agreed, but I didn't initiate the oyster consuming. All this time I was praying and sweating and panicking, I didn't even notice when the check came!

They're ordering their fourth gin, and that gin is not cheap, babes... Whoever initiates market-priced oysters should be the one to pick up the check. They can't go around ordering really exorbitantly expensive oysters and assume that I can SPLIT THE PRICE. Nothing blurs the reality of life like a cold glass of bubbly.

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