Parental dating and child attachment

Posted by / 16-Feb-2020 03:35

They act in ways that are insensitive and intrusive when they confuse emotional hunger with genuine love for their child.In Compassionate Child-Rearing, Robert Firestone describes how parents mistake their feelings of longing and the desire to get love from their child for actual love and concern for the child’s wellbeing.Therefore, a child imitates the ambivalent/anxious attachment strategies of their parent.In addition, research has also found that parents’ child-rearing practices tend to reflect the specific attachment pattern they developed as children with their parents.They learn that the best way to get their needs met is to cling to their attachment figure.These children have an ambivalent/anxious attachment with their unpredictable parent.These parents can be over-protective, or try to live vicariously through their child, or be focused on their child’s appearance and performance.

These people’s lives are not balanced: their insecurity leaves them turned against themselves and emotionally desperate in their relationships.When parents vacillate between these two very different responses, their children become confused and insecure, not knowing what kind of treatment to expect.These children often feel distrustful or suspicious of their parent, but they act clingy and desperate.This attunement creates a strong foundation from which that child can explore the world.A lack of attunement or misattunement from a parent or primary caregiver results in an insecure attachment developing in the relationship with their child.

parental dating and child attachment-14parental dating and child attachment-34parental dating and child attachment-6

Thus, parents who grew up with an anxious attachment are inconsistent in how they relate to their children, which their children react to by forming their own anxious attachment patterns.

One thought on “parental dating and child attachment”