Physical attraction attachment styles and dating development
If we have dismissive-avoidant attachment, even though we feel distressed inside, on the surface we seem to be disinterested in both our partner’s departure and return.
In the case of disorganized attachment, we express the anxiety of separation in a mixture of behaviors, including avoidance, distress, and anger.
Secure attachment in adults is characterized by comfort with both intimacy and independence, and a generally positive regard for themselves, their partner, and the relationship.
Based on observed behavior, it has been estimated that 60% of children have secure attachment.
This attachment style is also characterized by mistrust and reluctance to commit in relationship.
When we became adults, we began to transfer the attachment bond that we had with our primary caregiver onto our romantic partners.
I took an attachment style test about eight years ago, and I remember that I had fearful-avoidant attachment.
I just took a test again, based on my experiences over the past four years with my wife Cindy.
A securely attached partner is not always necessary for one to develop secure attachment.Likewise, people with fearful-avoidant attachment often end up paring with other people with fearful-avoidant attachment. Under stress, we now behave with our partner as we did with our parent.If we have anxious-preoccupied attachment, we become highly distressed when separated from our partner, and aggressively angry— either actively or passively—on their return.We are then able to carry them with us, secure in the knowledge that they will be there when we need them, developing enough confidence in the world to venture forth without their physical accompaniment.This is what enables us to differentiate from our primary caregiver and to accomplish our own goals in life. Switching to the perspective of the parent, our ultimate objective is to empower children to survive on their own, without our presence or moment-to-moment guidance.
I’m grateful to discover that I now have secure attachment.